"The relationship work that needs to happen requires accountability, remorse and empathy.
The least you can do, as the person who crossed the boundary, is to have empathy for the person who discovers it and express genuine remorse."But this can be complicated if the person who is caught doesn't consider the cyber relationship to be an affair, he said."The man or woman who wants to say, 'But I never met them' is someone who is in denial or trying to manipulate, and that is part of a bigger problem that needs to be resolved with professional help," he said.
"That connection is a much greater rejection to the spouse, and it's a much harder thing to heal in a relationship because the emotions have left the marriage and gone into the hands of someone else."Rosenberg concurred.
"If two individuals have a satisfying relationship and periodically the man or the woman uses the computer to satisfy a sexual need ... "But when your sex life with your partner is being compromised because someone seeks their fantasies with the computer instead of with the spouse, and there is now a replacement, that's a threat to the relationship."Making online affairs more attractive is the fact that they involve much less work and expense — you can "meet" anywhere, including your own home (which is in itself another type of betrayal), notes Brendan L.
" The freedom to fantasize, without the intrusion of reality — as well as the anonymity afforded by the Internet — also can be alluring.I was co-hosting a company-sponsored discussion last fall, open to the public, about coping with divorce. The whole affair was online."The man added that his marriage had ended partly because of it — but still, he needed clarification about whether that Internet relationship constituted infidelity. Several people in the audience nodded "yes," followed by a response from our expert on hand, therapist and author Ross Rosenberg, who specializes in treating sex addiction."Cheating is when you are verbally, emotionally or physically intimate with somebody other than your spouse or partner," said Rosenberg, author of "The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us" (PESI Publishing and Media).A member of the audience shared with the group that he had discovered his wife was involved in a cyber affair."Is that considered cheating? "This can become an affair when there is a relationship ...That same day, I'd been called pointless and ugly and...(Heidi Stevens)Recognizing red flags Here are some signs your spouse could be cyber cheating, from Neuman: First you know, then the sharing stops.